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Post by Dave's Not Here Man on Dec 5, 2019 13:40:46 GMT -5
it was amazing that I said it so calmly but here's the "Transcript"
T- Therapist
M- Me
T- Have you EVER had any thoughts of suicide?
M- EVER?
T- Well, yeah, but we can keep it to recently or currently.
M- Yes.
T- Since you mentioned something about a 357 lobotomy* I have to ask you, do you own a gun?
M- Yes.
T- Well that's a problem.
M- Is my car a problem?
T- I don't follow.
M- Well, if you say me owning gun is a problem, so is my car, so is owning a gas oven, so is walking near train tracks, so is having access to rope, standing on bridges, and...
T- Okay I get your point.
*I mentioned that the fact that my wife, who I will not let down on my commitment to, depends on me greatly for her care and support, and that alone keeps me from giving myself a 357 lobotomy.
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Post by bobathon on Dec 5, 2019 14:25:31 GMT -5
Gun is a problem if (generic, not John) you have poor impulse control.
FWIW, I'm pretty sure I'm worth more dead than alive.
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Post by minx on Dec 5, 2019 16:59:32 GMT -5
I honestly think that the majority of people are still around because they are either taking care of someone, or don't want to leave someone with the memory of them killing themselves.
Perhaps a better question to ask would be 'What's keeping you alive right now?' Because if the answer is 'Nothing much' then you have a much better barometer that trouble is imminent. (as opposed to saying that you will never back out of your commitment to your wife - she's your purpose for living - not an imminent threat, so perhaps your therapist could help with some sort of coping mechanism for your anxiety)
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Post by k9krap on Dec 5, 2019 21:55:16 GMT -5
I have absolutely no reason to stay around. The only reason I haven’t suicided is because I don’t want my last act to be selfish. My executor used to be my best friend. I absolutely do not want to leave that mess for her. She was a dear friend and doesn’t deserve that.
My doc told me today that I had to start cutting back on the anti inflammatory meds because of the effects they’re having on my kidneys. He doesn’t write the script for it, but is in contact with my primary care doc that provides my refills. Although it’s been just over a year since my knee replacements, I’ve been experiencing pain, again, particularly in my right knee. So now I get to decide when I want the pain to be worse - during the day or at night?
Nice choice, right? Increased pain but pee or somewhat controlled pain and dialysis.
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Post by minx on Dec 6, 2019 10:41:30 GMT -5
Man, that is a rock and a hard place. I'm assuming that you can't take anything else either, correct?
Since you're a recluse, I'd go with the ability to pee - you don't want to have to leave the house to go to the dialysis center several days a week.
Either way, it sucks completely.
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Post by k9krap on Dec 6, 2019 17:22:06 GMT -5
All analgesics have a detrimental effect on renal function. So, I’m stuck. My first night without Voltaren wasn’t as bad as I expected. I decided to go without at night since I’m not sleeping much anyway. I’ve been on this since having to give up Vioxx (that was an awesome anti inflammatory! Nothing worked better.) I guess it is inevitable. I try not to complain after watching my mom valiantly fight through all her pain. But when every joint and your back is screaming, it’s difficult. Not to mention the weird pain I have that isn’t joint-related. I call them “phantom pains”. They can be spasm-like at times. And, my stomach has been giving me fits since Zantac was taken off the shelves. Constant burning, sometimes taking my breath.
Getting old is the pits.
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Post by minx on Dec 6, 2019 17:31:51 GMT -5
I know that it falls under the category of 'you do what you have to do', but I am in awe of anyone who can manage to function at all with chronic pain. I am a complete and total wuss when it comes to pain.
And I wish that someone would come up with a painkiller that worked without giving people an amazing high. That way people who were in pain could get relief without having to worry about their medication being restricted.
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Post by k9krap on Dec 6, 2019 19:18:45 GMT -5
Luckily, I have a pretty high pain threshold. I would have given up long ago, otherwise. I’ve suffered since my mid twenties- nearly 40 years. Everything that has provided any relief has caused other problems. It’s extremely frustrating. I’m thankful that I was able to function and find a cause that I could throw myself into and help me direct my focus.
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Post by minx on Dec 7, 2019 12:23:09 GMT -5
My MIL had osteoarthritis. She needed a knee replacement in her early 70s and kept putting it off because she said she wasn't in pain. We finally forced her to go. Orthopedist wanted to know how the hell she was walking around, let alone claiming no pain. No cartilage left in the knee, and her bones had slid so instead of being on top of each other, they were almost next to each other.
That was 20 years ago, and I still cringe thinking about it. Woman had an amazing tolerance for pain.
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