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Post by Dave's Not Here Man on Jan 22, 2022 16:28:35 GMT -5
Never make mention of the bullshit you might have to deal with once you live the first couple of chapters of Your Life, The Story Of You by You (now available on paperback in bookshelves everywhere).
I have these thoughts of "why am I even here?" and "put on your helmet and go hit somebody!" pretty much in a pattern but not in a bi-polar way. My self awareness is still razor sharp that way. But Jesus Murray and Yusef, WTF already? Just sitting here visiting too many old memories of what was and what became of everything. I guess there's at least one source of my on and off depression w/episodic deep dives into it.
Everything that's going on currently with the fam stuff on both of our sides... added to the losses of the past year or so, I guess.
I'm cool just venting to at least the people following me clandestinely.
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Post by k9krap on Jan 22, 2022 21:12:41 GMT -5
That has been my mantra for years: “Why the fuck am I still here?” I came very close to dying after gastric bypass surgery 25 years ago. My kidneys shut down and I was in MCV ICU for a week. When I was transferred to a regular room, I thanked the doctor that cared for me the most and he said, “Quite frankly, we didn’t do anything. Your recovery is a miracle.” Why?
Oh, and my few memories of that ICU are of a horrible cramped place. I was on a gurney in a little curtained cubicle. I was hot (my husband told me it wasn’t warm in there but I remember being uncomfortable and hot) and noisy. One night I was lying on the gurney in a little hospital gown in a drugged fog. I opened my eyes and there was a male gunshot victim across from me. I know I gave him a show!
You’ve reached the age of remembering. It’s a privilege of the aging. Enjoy it.
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Post by Dave's Not Here Man on Jan 23, 2022 12:31:04 GMT -5
My "what am I even doing here" was meant in the context of "here" being a physical location with maybe just a slight inference to here in general. I have lived through the thoughts you appear to be having about the same in the context you took it. Ironically getting to "here", in the physical location we're currently residing, has helped immensely in changing my general attitude about this life of mine, which not long ago left me completely defeated and a void of desire to continue with it, and even daily thoughts of releasing myself from it. Real talk.
So along the intended context, the question of what I'm doing here in a HUd controlled apartment in Lynchburg leads me to try to address the answers to that. The memories are part of that diorama, and the ones that I obsess about are the ones that drag me back down to these occasional bouts with the dirty-low-downs.
In fcat, I'm trying to get my ass up in a few minutes and go slay some draggens and see if it will turn my frown upside down. If not, next stop, DDI.
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Post by Dave's Not Here Man on Jan 23, 2022 13:10:54 GMT -5
Annnnnnnnnd maybe neither. My back has spoken for the both of us that we won't be walking around much today. Figured that might happen as it's been a bad week with pain and probably way overdid it yesterday. Just getting my stuff ready and it sent electrical shocks to my ass and legs. Knee-buckling!
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Post by k9krap on Jan 23, 2022 20:54:40 GMT -5
Oh, no! My back has been giving me fits the past few days, too. I hope you were able to find some relief. I bought some stronger gummies because I noticed the pain starting to get worse. I guess I’m building a resistance to the measly 10 milligrams.
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Post by Dave's Not Here Man on Jan 23, 2022 22:27:26 GMT -5
800mg Advil and a 100mg Norflex is my go-to now. I can add an Ativan or use one instead of the Norflex depending on the level of pain.
None of the 'noids even touch it at this point. Not even the Major Tom.
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Post by minx on Jan 24, 2022 15:53:48 GMT -5
I find myself looking back and wondering too. I have been beyond fortunate in life, but in many cases it's only been by luck of the draw and nothing more.
It really does make you realize that for the most part, we are all just one turn away from life being completely different.
I met my husband at a NY eve party (I was dating the party host). Three of my friends were going as well.
Three of us didn't want to go, but the fourth had the hots for the host's friend and insisted we all go.
What would like had been like if we didn't go? Would I be in a decent financial position? Would I have ever gotten proper treatment for my bipolar disorder (made possible by really good insurance and a patient spouse)?
I really don't think people stop to realize how much sheer fate determines our lives. Of course if more did that, they'd have to have sympathy for those who struggle, and we can't have that!
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