Is it just life or something else

[Dave's Not Here Man]

I wish I had the, let's call it the discipline, to chronical my experiences and observations about a good many things, in such a form as to reveal a larger truth about life, family, friends, and I guess just relationships in general.

Throughout my life the questions have always outnumbered the answers even though if I've had one prevailing goal in life it's been to call upon a higher understanding of what is and what isn't, relative to my relationships with others.

There was a very recent death in what at one time I thought of as my family. At one time we were as close as you'd expect cousins that were raised in a family where it was an adjective, a noun, and a verb all at the same time. There has been no communication between us in I'm guessing at least 10 years. It's also worth noting that my father, who was active with their families at least in terms of maintaining the aforementioned program, died a few months ago and apparently decided by someone over there that their condolences weren't absolutely 100% expected.

So while justification for absence wasn't required I'd be lying if I said a small piece of my soul was sacrificed at the alter of pride today by not so much as sending a card. And at the same time have to rest it on their indifference under every other single circumstance.

In just about every relationship I've ever had in my life outside of my wife and children, I have always been the person that has been the reacher outer... The one that has taken family and friendships to heart and as the essence of life.

I think I'm done with that and if I could ever figure out what the actual fuck has gone wrong, it would make for a great book.

[k9krap]

A few years ago, one of my cousins reached out to me on Facebook. I hadn’t heard or seen him since my dad died about 12 yrs before. Turns out, he had cancer and the prognosis wasn’t all that good. It was difficult to watch him slowly die, even through social media.

I gave up reaching out after my sister snubbed me when her husband died. She’s the only family I have left. And we haven’t spoken in at leadt15 years. I follow my niece via lurking on Facebook, but I cannot find any mention of my nephew anywhere and I worry about him a lot.

I’ve never been a “people person”.  I’m terribly shy and have no self confidence.  And I’ve given up trying to be one.  

[minx]

I don't know. I think that we beat ourselves up too much when someone walks out of our life over a slight and keep wondering what it was we did.

Like you said John, sometimes enough is enough. I do make exceptions for friends who have been through hell and back and had to pretty much stop communicating for a bit because they were overwhelmed by everything. I will reach out with just a 'thinking of you' call or text to let them know that I am there when they are ready to talk or need to unwind.

But I do need to get a little better on the responding thing - people will email me and I'll forget to email back for 2 weeks. Need to do a quick "Life is insane - catch you up on everything shortly" type of thing.

[Dave's Not Here Man]

Left out one detail from the OP- The memorial service was yesterday and while I was slightly conflicted about whether or not to make an appearance, there was just no way I could be confident that I could remain quiet in the presence of so may people that have failed me by not so much as picking up the phone once in a while, after years and years of me initiating contact with them.

I remember when my uncle (their father) passed and they said to me "oh it's such a shame that the only time we get together is for these thing..."

That was when I decided to be done reaching out to them. The lack of awareness was just too much and almost led me to believe it was an act all along.


Since we've moved back here, I have had one friend (Bill "Renthal") come over one time shortly after we settled in. His wife didn't come. I don't know how many times I've put out invitations to hang out (we used to go out for dinner with them occasionally before we moved to lbg) that went from "we're busy that night" to just no responses to calls, texts, and voicemails. Another one that I won't mention by name- for all the times we hung out or had a conversation I was the one that initiated EVERY SINGLE ONE and still kept trying until it became obvious he wasn't interested in maintaining whatever type of friendship it was when only one of the parties took an interest in keeping it. Very disappointed in both.

Also had a friend that lives over in the other neighborhood across the street. Went by there one time shortly after we moved back. Guess who I haven't seen or heard from since? Listen, If we aren't good enough friends for you to swing by, less than one minute from your house, and have a beer in the driveway at least once a year you are not a friend worth having.

I haven't even gotten to my stepfather yet. The one that used to call me quite a lot, and I always made sure that I did the same. His calls thinned out over the last couple of years but if I called him and he didn't answer, he's call me back in short order almost without fail. Now? Nothing.