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Post by minx on Aug 22, 2023 9:05:13 GMT -5
Young mother (21) gives birth to her second child and has severe post-partum depression.
She declares that she wants nothing to do with the baby or her older daughter and leaves both children with her mother for 10 months. Grandma is 100% in charge of these kids - Baby Daddy works FT and puts them to bed at night, but that's about it. During that time, she doesn't want to see the baby at all (she occasionally sees the older child) and tells her mother she wants nothing to do with her children - maybe when they're 4-5years old she'll come back.
Mom does recover and takes charge of the kids again, so happy ending on that front.
But how would you describe the episode?
I say she abandoned her kids for that time frame. Grandma says that she realized that she couldn't properly care for them and put them in the care of a safe person.
Baby Daddy and his family also say she abandoned them. Mom doesn't think she did - she's also trying to peddle Grandma's story.
Your opinion?
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Post by Dave's Not Here Man on Aug 22, 2023 10:07:45 GMT -5
It's abandonment and something that hits close to home for me personally and as I mentioned in another thread, for another family member.
Tough to be objective. Just hoping that the children are better off without her but no way in hell she gets to be involved in withers lives without a full 100% commitment to motherhood. If the kids are safe and loved who cares if she disappears?
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Post by minx on Aug 22, 2023 11:01:29 GMT -5
It's going to come into play, because a custody battle is looming in the future. And it's not good, because child #1 has a different father, so the dispute will be over child #2. And that incident will probably play a huge role in all of this I suspect. But there will be no winners here. Two immature parents, their new boyfriends and girlfriends and two girls who love all of them stuck in the middle
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Post by Dave's Not Here Man on Aug 22, 2023 11:11:16 GMT -5
It's me beating a dead horse again but society is not going in the right direction based solely on it's modern perversion of the traditional family where a married couple has children with each other only the end.
When you think about the millions of complications mostly brought about by blase' attitudes and irresponsibility. Makes me sad that people can justify abuse and neglect just because of how they feel about being confined by normalcy.
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Post by minx on Aug 22, 2023 12:29:25 GMT -5
Well, child one was a pregnancy as the result of sexual abuse. She was going to go the adoption route, but that baby daddy said he wasn't going to give up parental rights which pretty much blew that idea out of the water. Of course he disappeared from the picture shortly after birth and has never darkened the door again. So that one was a little more understandable.
Child two was a deliberate pregnancy - they were going to be together for-ever, and he wanted a baby just as much as she did. Ugh.
To give baby daddy #2 is due, he has always treated child one as his own, and so has his family. But he has no legal rights there, which is where things could get ugly if the girls are split apart. And although he's a nice person, he's no paragon of virtue either. He was more than happy to hold the baby for a while, tuck the older kid into bed and let grandma handle the rest of it.
I don't think it's so much a matter of traditional family as irresponsible kids who don't want to face the consequences of their actions and get bailed out over and over.
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Post by Dave's Not Here Man on Aug 22, 2023 12:46:42 GMT -5
I'm saying that the former precedes the latter wrt traditional families.
And how is it that deadbeat has rights but the one that's, even if not all in so to speak, has none?
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Post by k9krap on Aug 22, 2023 15:13:47 GMT -5
Postpartum depression is a thing. And it can last months or even years unless treated.
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Post by minx on Aug 22, 2023 17:02:16 GMT -5
Yeah, it's all legal shit - she never terminated his rights, so technically he's the father, although I think a court would grant the second guy some visitation if nothing else.
And 100% PPD is a thing - I had it with both of my kids and it wasn't something I want to relive. I'll carry the guilt of not being 'present' when they were babies and toddlers for the rest of my life.
So I don't blame her for her PPD. Just saying that she wasn't thoughtfully leaving her child with a responsible adult - she abandoned the kid to her mother's care and left. And at that point, she wasn't worried about whether mom could handle the responsibility or not - she just didn't want to be involved.
The point I was making to her mom was that she needed to own up fully to what happened and not sugar-coat it. Because if this does get to court and she tries to deny what happened, she'll be skewered. And more importantly, she needs to acknowledge and remember what happened because if she attempts a third pregnancy, it will be a disaster. PPD usually gets worse with each subsequent birth.
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